Like thousands of other fun loving youngsters around South East Asia we joined the masses and descended on Koh Phangan. By the time we arrived on the island, Thailand had already taken on the feeling of one alcohol induced coma, briefly interrupted by beach, and a bit more beach. The 5 days we spent here did nothing to change that feeling, but it certainly delivered some of the best parties and nights the three of us have had (courtesy of our room mates, sarky British cousins Franki and Marco, and their terrifying Mai Thai Pro travelling companion Mike). In the long build up to the full moon party, we went through everything from 'Project X' like pool parties to mafia run jungle raves.
Our time here seems characterised by a series of unfortunate events afflicting my two injury prone, luck deprived travelling companions. A few nights before the main event, at one of the chilled beach parties Will must have got slightly disorientated. Thinking AD Bothroyd had sent him on for a 15 minute cameo. In front of the Six Fields faithful, he struck what he thought was the winner, outside of the boot...beauty. Unfortunately what he made contact with was actually a giant bin bag full of broken glass. The next half an hour was spent negotiating with the islands health clinics (which must be the most abundant business on the island), eventually deciding that a cut to the bone definitely doesn't need any stitches.
Having realised that he probably did need some serious medical attention the next morning, the three of us hit full moon fully prepared, plims at the ready.
What can I say about the full moon? 'Up and down the beach, young western men are unzipping their shorts and peeing into the Gulf of Thailand. Behind them, under the light of the full moon, thousands more shirtless, shoeless Europeans are massed outside 14 beachside bars, their knees bending awkwardly to a soundtrack of the Black Eyed Peas, Justin Bieber and generic drum'n'bass. And squeezed between the bars and the crowds are 35 wooden stalls, each selling plastic buckets filled with a litre's worth of vodka and Red Bull. The stalls are daubed with deeply dubious slogans, ranging from the lurid to the the moronic. "No Bucket No Boom Boom", "Fuck My Buckets", "Everybody Fuck My Strong Buckets" – that kind of thing. Welcome to the biggest beach rave in the world'
...well that pretty much sums it up! There we were 3 cliche British kids high on life (and some other stuff). And man it was fun! I think we all agree that it ranks as one of our best EVER nights (hope everyone back home is enjoying revision)
Although the nights were brilliant, when it has comes to girls, my friends' bumbling Britishness hasn't turned out to be quite as effective as the movies would have you believe. For Will insult was added to injury when a lovely Dutch 'garuan' came to wake him from his post moon slumber for a romantic tour of the shower district. He refuses to tell me what went wrong, but, she suddenly realised that she was very tired, leaving him to furiously clean the neon from his body, alone.
Rhys was no better, having lured his special friend for the night back to the undergrowth (instead of a completely empty hotel). He made the rookie error of not properly checking his sleeping area before erecting the A -frame. Ray Mears would have been tearing his hair out. But lesson learnt, slicing your delicate parts open on a coke can is the quickest way to deflate even the most heated situation.
The morning after the night before we crawled onto a ferry to Ko Tao, fully regretting the decision to leave so soon. It was a even more expensive trip for me as an opportunistic dive salesman took advantage of my vulnerable state, and by 5 o'clock I found myself back in school, enrolled on an open water course (still covered in the bloody paint).
However, it turns out that early morning dives are one of the best ways to detox and feel normal again. One of 6 am wake ups was especially worth it, as we traveled out to Chumphon Pinnacle. With crystal clear visibility and incredible amounts of sea life, it was easily one of the most amazing things I've seen. The other two tried to pretend that their baby dives to 12 meters were just as good, but we all know that's a lie.
Recuperated we headed back to Bangkok, to try make friends with the Chinese, but I'll let Will take you through his favourite bureaucratic visa processes.
Until next time. Shaan.
This is hilarious!
ReplyDelete